You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2008.
Up until recently, I was straddling two realities, one foot stuck in the past, the other hesitantly testing the water with the tip of my big toe. The past was an anchor to a ship I hoped to sail again. But the anchor lifted and the ship sailed off without me and instead of standing on the dock with my lead foot and my heavy baggage, I jumped in the water and I’m slowly swimming towards my own damn sunset.
I have to say that I’d been wanting to leap, very desperately, for quite some time, but I was chicken shit. And now that I am here, post-leaping, pre-anything-is-possible, it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. The background is slowly blurring, the foreground coming into focus, and although there was much beauty in the blur, I am excited to strap on some reality glasses and truly see what is coming my way.
With that, I am looking ahead to November. Last night’s snow leaves me no choice but to face the facts… winter is not a myth. It’s very real people and it’s a comin’. But with the chill comes the comfort of staying indoors, drinking copious cups of tea, working on winter projects and eating lots and lots of soup. There might be less picture taking but there will be more photo processing. I have thousands of photos gathered since June and I have yet to upload them (so be prepared to see green grass, poppies & other petaled beauties over the bleak winter months).
Another thing I’ll be doing as of November 1st? I can’t even believe I’m saying this. Yes. I’ve decided to join NaBloPoMo again this year. I am officially feeding my current frenzy with delusion and a side helping of crazy. I have absolutely no clue how I’ll manage to fit creative writing into each of my work-filled days, but try I will. I feel as though I’ve neglected the writer in me for far too long so this is my sadistic way of reconnecting with her.
With NaBloPoMo being a mere 3 days away, I am soliciting your help for topics once again. I wish I still had my posts from last year because there were so many great topics *sigh* but I’m hoping you’ll come up with a few ideas for me. I think the focus should be frivolous because after so many months of heavy, I sure could use some frivolity. Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone?
This is me lighting a little spark plug under my ass, putting myself in a corner, shouting it on the blogosphere before I chicken out “Sign me up NaBloPoMo“.
Save. Publish. Yikes.
It wasn’t a wedding ring
or even an engagement ring for that matter.
It was a ring that he found
at the bottom of a hot spring
in the hills of Ecuador.
He brought it home for me
and it only fit that finger.
It felt good on that finger.
It was, on some level,
a sign of my commitment
to him.
Last night,
after 9 months of separation,
I finally took it off.
The little kernel of hope
I held and tended to
rotted.
The death was slow
but the battle is over
and the cavalry in my heart
has pulled back.
I had been holding on so tight
to such a fragile little string
in a hurricane.
Now the cord has officially been cut.
snip snip.
And though I have been set free,
I feel untethered,
washed up.
Have you ever noticed
how sometimes it seems easier
to be tied down
than to float on?
Floating feels aimless and prone
to getting lost.
That vast expanse,
all those possibilities
can feel daunting.
Which way do I go?
But it turns out
that even when the ring is off,
it forms the shape of a heart.
Another little reminder
that love is all around.
So no matter which direction I take,
I know I’ll be just fine.
That rotten kernel
is fertilizing this tender soil,
leaving room
for other seeds to grow.
And I won’t be watering them
with tears
anymore.
“Sometimes the act of floating can lead us to solid ground. I’m investing in that belief. ” – ember swift
“It’s high time that you step forward to claim and demand whatever it is that you want from life. Just remember though, the gate keeper who will give it to you is the same gate keeper who has kept it from you… your gorgeous self.
Let me in, too -
The Universe”
